HONGKONG: “Brodin, Diskon, dan Koper Sakit Hati”
Brodin mendarat di Hongkong dengan gaya yang tak pernah berubah: jas hitam, kaos sleret-sleret Madura, dan koper yang rodanya bunyi “krek-krek” kayak kerupuk diinjek. Petugas bandara melirik KTP-nya yang tertulis pekerjaan: PENGGEMBARA. Lalu paspornya: HELPFUL TRAVELER. Petugas cuma menghela napas, seakan berkata, “Ah, ini orang episod baru.”
Brodin keluar bandara dan langsung menuju Mong Kok, pusat belanja yang ramai. Lampu neon, teriakan promo, dan orang-orang jalan cepat bikin Brodin sempat berhenti. Ia menatap sekeliling lalu berbisik,
“Astagha… rameh ben.” (Astagfirullah… ramai sekali ya.)
Lalu senyum sopan, karena ia selalu merasa tamu di mana pun berada.
Di toko souvenir, penjual memanggil dengan suara kencang. Brodin mendekat, menunduk, dan mencoba bahasa lokal.
“Nei hou.” (Halo.)
Penjual senang dan langsung ngomong cepat. Brodin menangkap kata “cheap” dan “discount”, sisanya seperti suara kipas angin.
Brodin menunjuk gantungan kunci berbentuk gedung tinggi.
“Ni goh gei chin aa?” (Ini berapa uangnya?)
Penjual menunjukkan kalkulator: 20 HKD. Brodin kaget senang.
“Wah… ceap!” (Wah… murah!)
Lalu ia menoleh ke dirinya sendiri dan berkata,
“Mon murah, engkok angkut, tape’ tak lebbi.” (Kalau murah, saya angkut, tapi tidak berlebihan.)
Tapi masalah datang ketika Brodin lihat tulisan “BUY 10 GET 10”. Ia mengira artinya “beli 10 dapat 10 ribu rupiah kembali”. Ia langsung bilang,
“Hou m4 hou m4!” (Bagus, bagus!)
dan mengangguk penuh keyakinan.
Akhirnya Brodin membeli 20 gantungan kunci. Saat dimasukkan ke koper, koper itu mengeluarkan bunyi “kreekk” lagi, seperti mengeluh. Brodin tepuk kopernya pelan.
“Sabar, bek. Engkok ajunan.” (Sabar, Nak. Aku yang bawa kamu.)
Lalu ke penjual:
“M̀hgōi saai.” (Terima kasih banyak.)
Di luar toko, Brodin melihat turis kebingungan mencari jalan. Brodin langsung membantu, menunjuk arah, dan berkata dengan ramah,
“Go straight, then left. Daijoubu… eh salah kota.”
Ia tertawa sendiri. Turis itu ikut tertawa walau tidak paham.
Brodin lanjut belanja: magnet kulkas, kaos “I ❤️ HK”, dan payung lipat bergambar tram. Ia berkata,
“Konco Bangkalan pasti seneng.” (Teman Bangkalan pasti senang.)
Lalu menutup hari dengan teh susu.
“Leng, tape’ nikmat.” (Sederhana, tapi nikmat.)
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Brodin landed in Hong Kong wearing his signature outfit: black suit, Madurese striped shirt, and a suitcase that sounded like it needed therapy. Immigration saw his ID job title: WANDERER, and his passport label: HELPFUL TRAVELER. The officer basically said with his eyes, “Not this guy again.”
Brodin went straight to Mong Kok—bright neon lights, loud discounts, people moving like they’re late for everything. Brodin whispered, “Yo this place is BUSY busy.”
At a souvenir shop, Brodin tried Cantonese like a brave hero:
“Nei hou” (Hello).
Then he asked, “Ni goh gei chin aa?” (How much is this?)
He saw a deal: “BUY 10 GET 10.” Brodin misunderstood it like a champion. He thought it meant some magical cash-back situation. So he bought 20 keychains—because Brodin doesn’t do half measures when it comes to his friends in Bangkalan.
When he stuffed them into his suitcase, the suitcase made a “KREK” sound like it was personally offended. Brodin patted it and said, “Relax, bro, we’re doing this for friendship.”
Then, because he’s Brodin, he helped a confused tourist… while mixing random languages and accidentally making it funnier.
By night, he was sipping milk tea like a budget billionaire, smiling proudly: “My Bangkalan crew is gonna love this.”
